"Good Behavior" at what expense?

Friday night, my dear friend and college roommate came to visit us. I was so excited to see her and her husband, and I was also excited to meet their dog, Swarley.

For those of you not familiar with why this name is possibly one of the best dog names EVER, please view this video.



Anyway, I knew their dog was going to be epic, and in fact, he was. He was a sweet, fun little pup. However, our kitten, Minion, disagreed. Being the idealist that I am, I was sure that she would be a little scared but that her curiosity and talkative, friendly nature would win out, and she would make a canine friend.

I was very wrong.

Minion hid in our room pretty much all night, even though Swarley came up to the bedroom door and tried to befriend her. Even after my friend and her husband and Swarley left, Minion was so quiet that it was eery. It was almost like having a completely different cat.

And it got me thinking... even though I complain about how talkative and hyper she is, I felt a little sad when she wasn't acting like herself because I knew she wasn't being Minion. She was acting out of fear, and she wasn't being herself.

And then somehow THAT got me thinking about teaching, coaching, and parenting (Minion is the closest thing we have to kid) ;) It's hard to balance modifying behavior with encouraging creativity and individuality. It's important to validate students' feelings while still holding them to certain standards. It is necessary to teach kids social practices and social norms while still encouraging them to be true to themselves. And it's a huge balancing act!

I often ask myself, "Is the MOST important thing to have well-behaved kids? Is that really the end goal of being a good teacher or parent or coach or whatever? Is the MOST important thing to have kids who are confident in themselves? What IS the most important part of being a teacher (or, I guess if it's more applicable to you, parent/coach/mentor)?"

And I don't know the answer to any of those questions. I do know that kids are resilient, but they are also fragile. And there are some people who assert that kids need to just conform to the system or whatever adults tell them, even at the expense of breaking their spirits. The most important thing, some people argue, is that kids always just comply without question.

I know I don't agree with that because it seems like a slippery slope. Personally, I WANT my kids (students AND future biological kids) to learn how to think for themselves- how will they do that if they are taught to just always comply with every adult authority figure, even if that authority figure is wrong?

I am still working on balancing certain aspects of teaching. I do know that I don't want my students complying with me solely because they are scared (just like I really hated that Minion was "quiet and good" because she was terrified). I also know that I am willing to listen to them in an appropriate time if they address me in a respectful manner. They can always come talk to me after class if they feel strongly about something that happened in class. Usually we can work out a solution together and move on in a positive direction. I like when they question me respectfully because it shows me they are thinking for themselves, and this is something SO MANY KIDS nowadays do NOT do!

I don't have a neatly wrapped, insightful ending for this jumbled post. Sorry :)

So, what do YOU think? I'd love to hear your thoughts!