New Year's Resolution: An Update

Don't we all do this? We make resolutions and stick with them for a couple weeks before throwing our hands up in the air and saying, "I can't do this!"

OK, maybe not. Maybe that's just me. 

But I wanted this year to be different. So, I put all my resolutions on Padlet and shared them on Facebook for the world to see (one, so I always knew where to find my resolutions...I have too many notebooks/journals to keep count. And two, for the accountability). 

Here are my resolutions...let's see how I'm doing! 

http://padlet.com/wall/my_resolutions_2014

1. Use all green cleaners. I am using mostly all green cleaners. The ONLY cleaner I CANNOT find a good replacement for? Draino. I'm working on it though, y'all. My favorite discovery has been a combination of Dawn and vinegar (with water, if you want it diluted). I use equal parts (heat the vinegar first), throw it in a spray bottle, and presto! Best shower cleaner/scum cleaner EVER. 

Anyone have any good recipes to share? Please do! 

2. Run a 10K. OK, not gonna lie...I signed up for a 10K, but then my grad school class got rescheduled for that day. So, uh...that's probably not going to happen. I HAVE, however, joined the gym and have been going at least three times a week. 

3. Read at least 50 books. I've read three, almost four, so far. Not too shabby! 

4. Only buy used clothing and shoes. Thanks to Plato's Closet and Goodwill, I have TOTALLY rocked this one so far. But, as y'all all know, I'm not much of a fashion guru...and I do not like shopping. So I haven't had a huge chance to mess this up. 

5. Keep up with my prayer journal. *shakes head* I've been praying more. But I misplaced my prayer journal (see above about having too many journals/notebooks). Note to self: find prayer journal ASAP! 

6. Take a class to teach me a new skill. Not yet, but I have some ideas for the summer... AND I'm open to suggestions, ESPECIALLY if any of you local people teach classes! 

7. Cook from scratch more often. ...working on it...and also trying to incorporate more Paleo stuff. It's hard, guys! 

8. Declutter apartment once every season. Haven't had a chance yet. Watch out, spring break!!! 

9. Listen to music more often. Victory! 

10. By only organic produce (check) and buy local as much as possible (still working on that...must get to farmer's markets more). 

How are YOUR New Year's Resolutions going? 

The Right Thing: Is It Enough?

Yesterday, right before the dismissal bell rang and gave my 11th grade students the freedom they'd been longing for all class long, I had to ask a young man to stay after class.

You see, I called on him during class to answer a question, and he 100% ignored me. He's been doing this for over a month, but this time, I just sat and waited for a good twenty to thirty seconds for him to answers, and he just didn't. Kept his head down on the desk. I got scared, for a minute, that I was having a Mrs. Miller moment (my high school English teacher told us about how a student went into a diabetic coma in her class one time, and that's why she never lets kids sleep in class).

Anyway, I couldn't have him disrespect me like that, so I asked to speak to him after class.

Here's (basically) how the conversation went...

Me: I noticed that you seemed hesitant to participate in class today. I called on you for an answer, and you did not answer. You didn't look at me or raise your head from the desk. Can you tell me what's going on so we can work together to find a solution?
Student: shakes head
Me: It seems like you're not happy in class.
Student [refusing to look at me and mumbling]: ... I just don't like some of the people in here.
Me: Well, I notice you interacting with some of your friends and talking to them. Are there other people in the class you don't like?
Student: shakes head again
Me: Do you not like me and you're afraid to tell me?
Student [hesitantly and without looking at me]: ...Yeah...

Ouch.

At this point, I felt my blood pressure skyrocket and blinked back the beginnings of pesky little tears. For a split second, my heart was crushed. I love my students so much. Briefly, for a split second, I wanted to scream, "How DARE you not like or appreciate me?! How DARE you disrespect me by ignoring me in class?! Do you know what I do for you? Do you know how hard I work for YOU?"

But instead, I took a very deep breath and put my tongue on the the back of my teeth to keep my jaw from clenching in frustration (thanks, Fred Jones).

"That's ok," I said evenly. "It's ok to not like me. It seems like I have done something to hurt you, and if I remember correctly, your hesitation to participate in class started back in December, when I asked you to leave class. Is that right?"

The kid nodded. "I didn't think it was fair that I got kicked out of class."


You know what, y'all? He was right. I was wrong. I made a mistake. But as the adults, we have to be "the boss." We can't let the kids win.

Right?

If so, I guess what I said next means I'm a failure.

"[Student's name]," I said. "I am sorry that I hurt you. That was not my intention, and I see now, looking back, that I made a mistake. I hope that you can forgive me."

There. I said. I did it! He's going to forgive me, and I'll crack a joke, and we'll laugh and class will go back to how it used to be.
I was expecting that magic moment, but it didn't happen. He just glanced up at me, jaw clenched, hands folded in front of him.

Then he left.

I don't know if he's going to forgive me. I don't know if he's going to participate in class and start doing his work again. But I know, no matter what he or you or anyone else thinks, that I did the right thing.

I just hope it's enough.