In which I maybe don't hate running?

I am so confused.
My entire life, I've hated running. The constant wheezing in and out as I fight the inevitable stitches in my side. The lack of excitement and adrenaline. The pounding of my sore feet on the pavement. The blisters and callouses that I then have to apologize profusely for should I ever go get a pedicure.

I think I've also always hated running because (comparatively speaking), I've been bad at it. In high school, when our volleyball coach would make us run sprints, I'd always try to run with the other slower people so I didn't feel so badly about myself. It wasn't that I didn't want to push myself, necessarily. It was that no matter how hard I pushed myself, I was never going to beat the fast girls on the team, and that made me want to give up.

In college, I failed our mile run in preseason. Twice. It didn't help that I was in the midst of battling an eating disorder at that time, so I had no energy, and running just made me feel like I was going to pass out, like my heart was going to explode out of my chest, like I was going to vomit pure bile up onto the sidewalk.

So yeah. Running and I have a rocky relationship. We're barely on speaking terms, and we definitely haven't enjoyed each other's company. The only time we managed to get along was my senior year of college, when I only ran so that I could fit into my wedding dress (because, dude, alterations are expensive!).

Then why have I spent the last thirty minutes Googling "reflective running gear" and "running tips" and "races in Virginia"? Why have I been running more times in the past two weeks than I have in the past two years? Why did I sign up for a 10K fully expecting to run the entire thing when I've never run more than three miles in my life? Why am I hoping we have a snow day tomorrow partially so I'll have time to go running?

I'm still not sure if I'm a "runner" or not. But this identity crisis is good, and I may become a convert yet...

2015 Resolutions

Last year, I decided to use Padlet to create my goals for 2014: http://padlet.com/cesuders/my_resolutions_2014

Here are my reflections on those goals:

1) Green cleaners- Eh. I just can't find a recipe for mirror/glass cleaner that works as well as Windex, no matter what others say. And carpet cleaner? Haven't tried anything "green" for that. Maybe in 2015. Everything else I'm using is safe, natural, and nontoxic.

2) Ha. I did not run a 10K.

3) I'm almost done with 50 books. I WILL finish before December 31st.

4) I've done really well with only buying used clothing. I mean, I bought a new swimsuit for when I started swimming at the Y this summer, and I bough a couple of bridesmaid dresses, but other than that, everything else has been from consignment/thrift stores. I think I shall continue this- it's frugal and environmentally responsible. It's also really freeing. I can go shopping with my friends without the pressure of buying anything. It's a relief to have a reason to only window shop!

5) Prayer journal- didn't happen. Praying more? Yes.

6) Taking a class to teach me a new skill- does my Word Study class for my master's degree count? Or my after school sessions with two art teachers who taught me how to throw on the wheel (aka put clay on the spinny thingy and make pottery)?

7)  I have not done better about cooking from scratch. I've done way worse. I blame it on working 12+ hours a day.

8) Decluttering hasn't happened once per season, but it has happened a couple times in 2014!

9) Listen to music more- check. Rocking out to Taylor Swift's new CD totally counts, yeah?

10) Buy organic/local. Our budget changed, so I wasn't able to do this as frequently as I wanted to, but I give myself a C for effort.

My big goal for 2015?
Thrive and not just survive.
(Thank you, Switchfoot, for that phrase).