I Don't Need a Penis to Open a Door

Some women are deeply offended when a man opens a door for her. How dare he! the woman might think indignantly. I can open my own effing door! What a chauvinist pig!  What decade are we living in, the thirties?!

Some women gasp and sputter when a man doesn't open or hold a door for her. How rude! He has no manners! What did his parents teach him about how to treat women? Nothing, obviously! 

Despite the title of this post, I don't fall into the first category. In fact, I believe both of the above reactions to be presumptuous, unkind, unfair, and judgmental.

If a guy holds a door open for me, I smile and say, "Thank you." And if a man doesn't hold the door for me, I do not assume he's rude or wasn't raised properly. I assign positive intent in both situations.

Early on in our relationship, Randy always held the door for me, opened my car door, and so forth, because this is how he was raised, which is fine. It was nice, at first, though sometimes rather inconvenient. As we continued to date, though, I realized there were MANY times I didn't like him to hold the door.

Sometimes it was impractical (like in bad weather or when his hands were full).
Sometimes I wanted him to enter somewhere first.
Sometimes the car was parked next to a shrub and it was impossible for him to have room to open the door without sitting on top of a holly bush.
The list could go on and on.

So, I had a conversation with him and told him that I would prefer if he didn't always open the door for me, but I liked it if we were, say, out on a date.

And, because he loves and respects me, he listened.

I have to mention the two blood-boiling issues I've encountered since we had this conversation several years ago. The first is when people assume my husband isn't a gentleman because he doesn't open my car door or whatnot. These individuals don't know the private conversations my husband and I have had.

The other issue I've faced is men and women telling me I need to wait for a man to open the door for me. Grrrrr, I can't even tell you how that irks me. You may want me to because those are your beliefs. But no, I don't need to.

I really think the heart of the issue is this: our actions should be loving.

I do not believe it would be loving or kind of Randy to say to me, "You know, honey, I hear you say that you don't like me to hold the door for you for these various reasons. But I was raised this way, and I'm going to keep opening all your doors for you, whether you like it or not. I'm not going to abandon my upbringing because of your personal preference."

Sadly, I know some guys who have said that to the women they love.

Opening a door for someone can be loving regardless of one's gender. You see, I--a female-- also hold the door open for others out of kindness and the desire to bless them.

Example A: The other morning, there was a man walking out of Starbucks with his hands full of drinks and pastries, so I held the door for him.

Example B: Today at Barnes and Noble, a dad was carrying a screaming toddler, power-walking towards the door to try and exit the establishment before causing too much of a scene, so I paused and held the door for him.

Sometimes, it's just easier to pull a door open and hold it for whoever's approaching, so I do, because I think it's a nice thing to do. 

Am I not allowed to do this simply because I have female parts and not male bits? 

I've decided that I am absolutely allowed to open whatever doors I would like, for myself or for others.

Because I don't need a penis to open a door.