Dear Future Me: Remember the Newborn Days

Dear Future Me,

I started writing this letter in the middle of pregnancy and slowly added to it. Now, at almost a month post birth, I'm publishing it. I didn't want to forget the important things, the annoying things, the trivial things. It's amazing how quickly we forget experiences and feelings.

So, future me, in the years to come when you encounter pregnant women and new moms, keep the following in mind:

1) Don't touch pregnant bellies without permission. Enough said. Some women (you) don't really mind it. But some do. You wouldn't randomly touch some dude's beer belly, would you? Okay then- don't touch that future mom, either, even if your hand gravitates towards her belly like a child's hand to a cookie jar. Leave her be.

2) When you drop off a meal or visit, don't linger. Every minute you are in the house is one that the exhausted mother isn't sleeping, showering, eating, or doing something for herself. As much as you want to snuggle and see that new precious baby, it is not about you or your feelings. Drop off the meal (in disposable containers you won't need back) and quickly slip out. If you know the mom well, maybe do a load of laundry or the dirty dishes in the sink. Visitors are emotionally exhausting, and Mom needs to protect her new family first and foremost.

Don't impose, don't be pushy, and respect her wishes. It's not personal, and it's not about you- you'll get to meet that sweet baby later. Remember that the baby isn't on a schedule, so Mama may need to nurse or diaper change, and the longer you're there, the more likely it is you're disrupting the new family's flow. So be respectful of their time.

And always text or call before coming over!

3) Remember how hard nursing is. Remember the cracked, bleeding nipples. Remember the stress of trying to get a baby to latch (especially with people around or noise in the background). Remember the tears of frustration when a crying, hungry baby just couldn't latch successfully. Be supportive of your breastfeeding mom friends. Kindly and humbly recommend a lactation consultant, if appropriate. Tip them off the Newman's prescription nipple cream (a lifesaver). Remember they have a right to feed their baby whenever, wherever. Don't stare. Don't talk to mom while she's focusing on getting baby to latch. Let her nurse in peace.

4) Motherhood isn't a competition or pissing contest. You're no better than anyone because of your experiences or choices. Having an easy pregnancy doesn't make you less of a mom. Having a natural, unmedicated birth doesn't make you any more of a mom. Being able to breastfeed doesn't make you better than anyone.

It's not a competition, and all of us moms are just trying to do what's best for our babies. Support and uplift Mama. Tell her she's doing amazing because she is.

5) Getting Mom a gift card instead of a "real" gift is totally fine and probably very helpful. And always give a gift receipt and tape it to the gift. And remember that not all babies will even wear "newborn" sized clothing. And if the baby was born in December, buying newborn sized summer onesies isn't really appropriate.

6) Don't say, "Oh, you think you're tired now? Just wait." She knows she's not going to sleep after the baby comes. She doesn't understand yet, but don't rain on her parade. That's not what she needs to hear right now.

7) Don't forget about Dad. This is a huge adjustment for him, too, and he is tired and frazzled and trying to care for a wife and new little one. Support him, too.

8) Don't give unsolicited advice. Ask first. Don't be a condescending know-it-all. And if mom wants to share about her desire to cloth diaper or co-sleep or something else you don't agree with, don't criticize her.

9) Don't judge. Her baby, her choices. You don't have to agree with her. She's doing the best she can, just like you are.

10) Don't take what a new parent does personally. It's not about you. They're just trying to do what's best for their newborn. They ask you to wash your hands? They don't think you're dirty. They're just trying to protect their little one. They don't let you hold the baby? There's a reason. Maybe baby is super fussy. Maybe they are being protective. Their baby, their choice. Don't disparage her for being a first time mom. You were once, too.

I know these all seem SO obvious right now, but someday, future Christine, you're going to forget this stuff. When you do, think back to the first few sleepless, painful, emotionally exhausting weeks and remember that what you needed most was a listening ear, food that could be eaten with one hand, pumpkin spice lattes, sleep, showers, and brief hugs.

Love,
New Mommy Christine

Katherine's Birth, Abridged Version

I just knew our daughter was going to be born late. The entire pregnancy had been too easy: no gestational diabetes, no preeclampsia, perfect measurements and heart rate every time... I just KNEW our little girl was going to make me wait forever to meet her. It'd be too easy if she came on time.

Swaddling her "drunk octopus arms," as our lactation consultant called them, has helped us on our breastfeeding journey. That journey deserves its own blog entry! 

The day before her due date (August 24th), I was up at school setting up my classroom, battling a sore throat and what I thought was an oncoming cold. I should be back tomorrow,  I thought, to help with Freshmen Orientation, but just in case...I'll leave a to-do list on my desk for my sub. Not that he'll need it. Because I'll be back. 

I didn't come back. 

That Wednesday night, I woke up every.single.hour with cramps. I knew it COULD be pre-labor stuff. But I didn't want to get my hopes up. I'll bet she's still going to be late, I kept telling myself, repeating it over and over. 

I skipped freshman orientation. The cramps were coming every 20-30 minutes. I brought my birth ball upstairs and bounced on it while watching The Good Place on Netflix and trying to eat a protein bar and drink some water. 

No sleep, no make up, but heart bursting with joy because this little girl made my dreams come true. 

The cramps were getting closer together. I still denied that they were real contractions because they weren't that bad. It almost felt like gas or bad period cramps. So I stayed at home and coped. 

A hot shower (or two...or three) on my knees so the hot water would rain down on my back.  

A text to my husband around noon: "I don't think I can drive myself to my midwife appointment at 2:00."

A short bout of vomiting. 

More The Good Place to try to distract my body as I bounced on my purple yoga ball. 

At the midwife, we learned I was already 3 cm dilated and completely thinned (I guess other women who've had kids will know what this means and the rest of you will just shrug or Google it). "I wouldn't be surprised if you have this baby tonight or tomorrow," quipped the midwife. 

And then it finally hit me: this baby was coming out. Soon. Much sooner than I thought. Was I ready? Did I actually have everything in my hospital bag? What if my water broke in the car and got the seat all gross? What if my phone died and I couldn't listen to my birthing affirmations during labor? 

After the midwife appointment and continuing contractions, we toyed with the idea of getting a hotel room close to the hospital. At this point, I just felt like labor was progressing pretty quickly. I then (not surprisingly) changed my mind and was like, "Nah, let's drive the 30 minutes home and I'll just labor there where I'm more comfortable."

Should out to my AMAZING midwife, Brenda, and my fabulous nurses. We met our goal of meeting the baby! 

Needless to say, we were back at the hospital three hours later...to check in and have a baby! 

I remember but won't subject you to all the details. Like the nurse who tripped over my IV cord and almost ripped it out of my hand while she chatted happily at me while I was in the middle of contracting (I'm honestly glad she got off at 7:00). Or the super deep, warm tub I labored in while my husband sprayed my back with hot water. Or the birth ball I bounced on while leaning over the bed. 

And then it was pushing time. I remember my primal moaning and thinking, "If someone walks by this room, they're going to think they're at a freaking zoo and someone captured a dinosaur." 

Hearing "Relax your face" and wanting to relax my fist into the wall. 

Hearing "You're so close! I can feel her head!" about twenty times and wondering if I was being lied to. 

Watching the nurse check the baby's heartbeat during contractions and secretly panicking: What if my baby's not okay?

And then, finally, hearing the midwife say, "Look down!" 

And there she was. With a full head of hair, covered in goo, and absolutely perfect. I heard my husband gasp in awe (or maybe something else, but I'm going with awe), and then she was on my chest. 

Katherine Olivia was 8 pounds, 9 ounces, 20 inches long, and born at 10:01 p.m. on her due date. 

And thanks to the support of my husband, doula, nurses, and midwife, she was born naturally- no epidural, no pain meds. 

In fact, right after she was born, I apparently said, "Take that, haters." Aimed, of course, at the people who doubted that I could follow through on my goal of a natural birth. Although, to be honest, I doubted myself multiple times during labor. I was exhausted and dehydrated. I literally hadn't eaten in over 24 hours. I frequently said, "We're adopting the next one. I can't do this. I'm so tired." 

But here she is, rocking our world, eating like a champ (more on that later), enjoying snuggles from Nana and Pop Pop and Daddy, and freaking Minion out a little bit. 

First photo as a family of three (those cheeks and chins, though!) 

I didn't cry when she was born. It wasn't until later that night, in the silent dark of the hospital room, as I was nursing her... I looked down and saw a precious gift from Heaven. I saw the embodiment of a dream come true and prayers answered.

When Randy suggested the name "Katherine," it was only the second girl name we agreed on. Name meanings have always been really important to me, and Katherine means "pure." Her middle name, Olivia, means "olive tree," and in the Bible, olive branches are a symbol of peace. I absolutely love the meanings of her name because they embody all my hopes and dreams for our little girl. 

When I prayed for and then became pregnant with Lila Grace in 2015, the life verse I chose for her was from 1 Samuel 1:27: "For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him." As most of you remember, we were heartbroken when we lost her at 12 weeks. It then took us 13 months to conceive Katherine Olivia. 



In closing, here is Katherine's life verse: "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27 


We love you so much, Lovebug! <3