It's ok to not know

"Mrs. Suders, when are you having kids?"
"Mrs. Suders, are you going to teach here forever?"
"Mrs. Suders, what is 'benna'?"
"Mrs. Suders, are you ever going to get your Master's?"
"Mrs. Suders, are all homosexuals going to hell?"
"Mrs. Suders, do you think I'll see my grandma in heaven?"
"Mrs. Suders, is it ok if I take shawtie to McDonald's for dinner before prom?" <-- can't make this stuff up, folks.

"I don't know, guys. I just don't know. "

And for the control freak in me, that's hard to say. I'm tempted to make up an answer sometimes, or to regurgitate what I've been taught my whole life or give an answer that sounds really, really good.

Admit it... you have a touch of control freak in you, too. I think we all do, some more than others. You know what I'm talking about :)

I used to think a sign of maturity was having your life all figured out- what you were going to do, where you were going to live, what you were going to name your pets and kids, what you were going to have for dinner every night.

Now, as I toss around master's degrees in my head (theology? administration? reading? curriculum development?).
As I entertain the idea of someday having a squishy bundle of joy (and think about the immense sacrifice it entails).
As I ask faith related questions, since I'm not scared to anymore.
As I wonder, "is this where I want to be right now?"

I realize this:
Maturity isn't have it all figured out.

I don't even know what maturity IS anymore.

And you know what? It's ok to not know.

The day that changed my life

It was the first Monday of spring break. After many years with my flip phone and a couple years with my Samsung Intensity, I joined the iPhone family.

I kind of hate that I can't pride myself in being unqiue and old-fashioned now.

But I kind of love having Google Maps everywhere I go, and being able to respond to school and work emails immediately, and taking a hundred pictures of my furry, adorable cat.

I love being able to see my friends' sweet babies on Instagram or getting important news updates immediately because I follow CNN on Twitter.

However...

I know having a smartphone is dangerous. How many times have we all seen people GLUED to their phones? Out to dinner, watching their kids' sporting event, in church (unless they're reading the Bible on their phone, which I did this past Sunday and loved), in class, waiting in line at Wal-mart...

May I have the self-discipline to leave my phone home sometimes, to resist the urge to browse Pinterest just for the heck of it, and to never let my smartphone impede my real life relationships. May I never be so glued to my phone that I cannot smile at the clerk who is checking me out at Target or truly listen to the friend who sits across the table at Starbucks.

And to all you people out there who ARE glued to your phones: try locking in a drawer for a few hours. You'll survive. You'll watch people, have real conversations, and give your eyes a break from the screen, too. And I say this not in a judgmental way, but in an encouraging, "just try it" cheerleader way.


Having an iPhone has changed my life, a little. But I don't think I'll let it change me a lot.