Year Six: Like Chewing a Frozen Caramel

This year of marriage has been the hardest, I think
Like chewing a frozen caramel and trying not to get it stuck in your teeth.
You know it'll be worth it to keep chewing
It will eventually taste
Sweet

A year ago, we were dreaming
Boy or girl?
Star Wars or Dr. Who nursery?
Midwife or doula or both?
(We decided both)

A few months later, we were mourning
What would've
Could've
Should've

A year later, we're wondering
Why us?
 When will we become parents?
How?
     Biologically?
            Foster to adopt?
                       ... Not at all...?

There were nights I cried
And you didn't know why
And I didn't tell you sometimes
But you held me
Kissed my head
Held my hand
Pulled me in when I wanted to pull away

There were days I cried
And you knew why
And you couldn't help
But you held me
Kissed my hand
Held my gaze
Loved me when I was a skeleton consumed with grief,
Having nothing to give you in return.

Six years ago today, we promised to weather every storm
In sickness and in health
In good times and in bad
'Til death do us part
Love is patient, and kind, and humble
A ring is a circle because love never ends
Words easy to say but hard to live out
Marriage is hard sometimes

And this year, I understood why losing a child can drive couples apart
In spite of their vows, their love, their faith

So even though this year has been the hardest
It's also been the best.
Because we made it
And I love you more than ever
More deeply, more fully, more wholly.

Whatever God has in store for us, we'll face together
And that is enough.



Happy birthday, Harry Potter! Oh, and happy wedding day to us! July 31, 2010

And (about) six years later...