Monday, April 15, 2019

Yes. We are still nursing.

It's amazing how many people have opinions about my breasts.

No, really.

Before I had a child, no one really commented on them because they knew (rightfully so) that my breasts are none of their business.

But when it comes to how we should feed our babies, not only do many people have opinions, but they suddenly feel emboldened. They say things that truly aren't kind or sensitive or helpful or uplifting.

I'm going to address some of them below.

1) Don't let the baby use you as a human pacifier! I have to be honest: this one literally makes me laugh aloud. Do you know what a pacifier is, you nosy person who said this to me in Target? It's a plastic nipple. The PACIFIER is the imposter here. My nipple is natural.

I'm not saying anything is wrong with pacifiers. At all. I WISHED my daughter had taken a pacifier, and I tried to get her to take one.

I'm simply saying that if I choose to nurse her instead of giving her a piece of plastic, let me be. Please don't imply that I shouldn't be a human pacifier. If I want to be, that's my choice. Some of us like nursing our babies to comfort them, and we should feel free to do so without the judgment or comments of others. 

2) If they're old enough to ask to nurse, they're too old to nurse. This literally ignores what the World Health Organization has recommended: 
"Review of evidence has shown that, on a population basis, exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months is the optimal way of feeding infants. Thereafter infants should receive complementary foods with continued breastfeeding up to 2 years of age or beyond."

Most kids can talk before age two. But that doesn't mean we should stop nursing before age two if we don't want to or if our child doesn't want to. I'm not really sure why our society thinks it's "weird" for my toddler to say "milk?" and ask to nurse. She used to ask to nurse by just screaming. Why is it taboo now that she can say "milk" (which she learned to say pretty early on...). That's just illogical to me. 

3) Whipping your boobs out in public is offensive, and moms who do it are being exhibitionists. 

The fact that breastfeeding is often referred to as "whipping out your boobs" is problematic. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: words matter. The phrase "whip out" is also used in reference to penises. "Whip out" implies frivolity and carelessness and sexuality and brazenness, and I assure you that breastfeeding my child is anything BUT those things.

Moms are literally just trying to feed their babies. I promise you. Moms DO NOT want you looking at their breasts while they're nursing. Look, y'all, if I wanted you to stare at my chest, I wouldn't cover it up with a squirmy stinky baby... I'd just flash you and call it a day.

And to Christians who think a nursing mom is a "stumbling block," I invite you to show me where in Scripture this is expressed. I think I've seen a verse or two about gouging out one's eye if it causes one to stumble, so... maybe that's an option?

4) You're nursing her too often. She should be able to go longer without feeding! 
These comments made me shake my head with sadness. Nursing is supply and demand. Cluster feeding is real.  It didn't mean there was a problem with my supply (because you know how to make more milk? Nurse more often). It wasn't realistic to expect my infant to go for hours and hours without nursing.

Unless you are an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, I really don't think it's appropriate for you to be giving me unsolicited nursing advice.

Here's the thing: I respect your right to have your opinions. I support your right to freedom of speech and expression.

But it isn't always kind, helpful, or thoughtful for you to share all those thoughts and opinions with nursing moms. And if something isn't kind, helpful, or thoughtful... why share it at all? 

If you think nursing past a certain age is weird, I encourage you to be open to learning about other cultures where this is the norm and consider researching the benefits of extended breastfeeding.
If you're uncomfortable with a woman breastfeeding, you are welcome to avert your eyes.
If you have certain beliefs about how breastfeeding works, check your information with a trusted source like The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding or Kelly Mom's Blog 

Examine why you hold the beliefs you do. I know I did-- and I did some research and changed my mind.

So I'm going to keep nursing my toddler as long as we both want to and are comfortable with. When she climbs into my lap and asks for "milk" and I get to hold her there for a few minutes before she jumps off to embark on her next adventure, I'm going to be thankful. Thankful for the bonding and the snuggles and the health benefits and the emotional benefits and the blessing that nursing her has been in my life.




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