A Mom's Favorite Question

"So what do you do?"
The dreaded question.
In the past, it was easy to answer: "I'm a teacher."

The inevitable follow-up questions would also be easy.
"What do you teach?"
"English."
"What grade?"
"Eleventh and twelfth."
"What books do y'all read in class?"

You get the picture. It was simple to communicate because I had a career, and I could talk about that career.

Sure, I did a lot more than teach-- but when people ask "what do you do?" what they are REALLY asking about is your occupation or career.

If someone asked me, "What do you do?" and I was honest, I could answer
-wipe a toddler's butt five times a day
-create piano mash-ups of songs I hear on the radio
-crossword puzzles, and lots of them
-play volleyball until my knees creak and pop in protest
-use dry shampoo liberally
-drool over Joanna Gaines' kitchen
-eat Cheerios off the floor

I wonder how they would react. Disgust? Confusion? A polite laugh?

When I decided to leave the classroom and quit teaching, I wasn't the most stressed about losing that income. No. I was most anxious over how to answer this question, "What do you do?" Probably because so much of my self-worth was (and still is) tied up in my productivity, perceived work ethic, and contributions to society (I'm working on that, y'all. One thing at a time).

I dreaded this question also because the answer is a little complicated.
1) I'm not technically just a stay-at-home mom. I make a tiny but of money writing and editing for a local magazine. I coach. I teach four-year-olds once per week. So, I'm working part-time, really.
2) There is a stigma attached with being a stay-at-home mom. It's infuriating, but it exists.
3) The potential retort, "I wish I could do that, but we can't afford it." Well, you might be able to afford it, but you wouldn't be able to have a lot of the things you want for your family, and that's okay.
4) Another: "Wow, you're so lucky."
5) Yet another: "I could never do that."
6) And my favorite, which I've actually been asked multiple times: "So now that you're not teaching, what do you do all day?" One person even said, "So do you just chill all day?"

As someone who has always prided herself on being the busiest and doing the most, the thought of people perceiving me as a lazy mom who sat at home and did nothing was paralyzing. Utterly paralyzing. I'm working to free myself of others' opinions, but clearly, I have not yet arrived. I'm still a work in progress in that area.

So, what DO I do? Some of same things working moms and dads do. Some of same things stay-at-home dads and other stay-at-home moms do.

Is staying home easier than when I was teaching? Honestly, so far, yes. It is easier for me to have proper work-life balance, for me to have energy to give to my daughter each day, for me to have patience with her and time for my husband and friends. But so far, it's easier than teaching was. I know that's not always going to be true. I know this isn't true for every parent who stays home. I'm just sharing my experience.

Have I regretted leaving teaching? Yes and no. Deep down, no, I haven't. I have peace about leaving. But there have been a few moments I've second guessed myself, if I'm being honest. I'm super goal-oriented (fellow firstborns, raise your hands!), and I'm also incredibly altruistic; I have to be helping people to feel useful. So, yeah, a few times I've gotten to the end of a day, glanced around my littered house,  caught a glimpse of my unwashed hair in the mirror, and thought, "I literally accomplished nothing today."

Which, of course, isn't true. 
I sang hymns to my daughter before nap time and took her to the library after she woke up.
I changed her diaper six times and applied diaper rash cream to her red bum, despite the fact that she was writhing like an eel and screaming like a banshee.
I fed her three meals and cleaned up said three meals from the floor because she still doesn't understand how a freaking spoon works.
I changed her outfit because she thinks her sippy cup is a water toy.
I read Don't Push the Button! to her no fewer than 17 times, and I practiced reading with enthusiasm and a variety of accents. Then we read at least ten other books multiple times each.
I hugged her when she bumped her head and played "catch" with her for thirty minutes and kept her from climbing up the stairs and pulling the cat's tail.
Some days, I even manage to sweep, vacuum, wipe counters, do dishes, or fold laundry. Some days, not so much.

I pay someone $10+ an hour to do all that stuff I listed above; it's called babysitting. So even if all I did was keep her alive every single day, we parents LITERALLY pay someone to do that when we decide to go on a date or whatever.

Being a working mom. Being a stay-at-home mom. One isn't necessarily superior to the other. One isn't harder than the other. 
It really all depends. It's situation. It depends upon you and your partner, if you have one, and your child(ren), and your personality, and so much more.

So, what do I do?
A little bit of this,  a little bit of that. Not as much as I used to do, that's for sure. But everything I do, I do with so much more peace, positive energy, and perspective than I did before. For that, I am thankful and blessed.